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If you had to choose one trashy 80s dance pop song as your personal anthem, what would it be and why?

Oh man.  There are too many.  Right now, I think I’d have to go with “Open Your Heart” by Madonna.  Or Jesse’s Girl.  There are really too many.

When did you decide Carol Channing is your greatest inspiration? What prompted this life-changing revelation?

January of 2008.  I was introduced to the (now infamous among some circles) “Jam” video (which, for your viewing pleasure, can be seen here).  At that point, there was no going back.

Cheeseburger or chicken fingers???

Neither, actually.  I was a full-blown vegetarian for seven years, and then gradually ‘broadened my horizons’, so to speak, when the swine flu scare got rid of anything remotely fresh and, well, vegetarian.  Now, I enjoy an occasional tuna sandwich.

Recording engineer, past or present, you’d like to befriend/kill.

Tom Dowd.  Without him, we may not have stereo recordings as we know it.

Who would win in a fight to the death, Katie Couric or Brian Williams?

Is this even a question?  Katie Couric, obviously.  Not only does she have the Autotune-the-News-ers on her side, but she doesn’t constantly report with a “what is this world coming to?” tone of voice.  Funny you ask, though- my mother and I have argued about a similar subject- she rather likes Brian Williams.

When do you decide, hm, it’s time to get a new bath towel?

When the old one gives up the ghost.

If you were to suddenly come to possess all of the cheese in Holland and decided to auction it off in a Dutch auction (An actual Dutch auction, mind you, in which you start the price high and slowly lower it until the first person to bid, a.k.a. the winner, claims the prize), what would be your starting price and why?

Well, considering that cheese has a very finite lifespan, as it were, and that I don’t have the necessary refrigerated warehouses and so forth to store an entire mid-sized country’s worth of cheese, I can’t imagine it would be very much.

Who is buried in Grant’s tomb?

I see what you did there.